Thursday, April 19, 2012

Why Write?

I've mentioned my struggles with motivation for creative endeavors in other social networking media and been asked why I even bother to write at all if it's so challenging. I have a career I am happy with, a community of friends that keeps me busy, and a relationship that is satisfying. So why write, some friends asked.

I actually became kind of defensive at first and I've spent about a year or two developing more discipline as a writer, and I think I'm finally ready to answer the question.

I've been writing for as long as I can remember. I wrote stories and poems as a child, and kept writing poetry. I wrote a 120 page "novel" at age 12 which was pretty horrible. I've been an avid reader for as long and only in the last few years did I realize I wanted to learn how to write fiction. I used to do a ton of journaling on LiveJournal, writing about my thoughts on all kinds of things.

Although there are certainly better writers than me out there, I find writing to be the most comfortable way to express myself. I have a lot of ideas (many of them crazy - my favorite kinds!) that I want to share, and writing feels the most natural for articulating them. Some of my ideas lend themselves better to a fiction format, since they are complex and require a lot of context.

I love the idea of being able to weave intricate tales like the ones I read, and I've always been encouraged and been able to write some really good stuff in short form (like poetry, and sometimes short prose scenes).

In 2010, I took about 10 months off from having a day job and found myself brimming full of energy for a bunch of personal projects, one of which ended up being my first NaNoWriMo. I wrote a 50,000 word novel in 30 days! It wasn't good, but it had potential, and I've been taking pieces of it to my regular Writing Group since and trying to sculpt it into something awesome. I did NaNoWriMo again in 2011, but only got to 35,000 words and feel less confident about making this one palatable, but regardless, I relished the exercise and I've learned so much from both projects. I took a 6 week writing class in San Francisco which was really inspiring and helped me more formally understand the elements of narrative craft.

I am frustrated with my inability thus far to build a consistent habit of working on my writing projects, though it seems I end up filling the gaps with other forms of writing, such as journaling or blogging, because it's just the way I process what's in my head.

But why try to develop a habit for fiction writing if it doesn't just come perfectly naturally? Because I love fiction and I love the satisfaction of having created something that expresses my ideas eloquently and it's an opportunity for me to learn how to build discipline and better habits with a medium I enjoy.

It's a nice thing about any kind of habit-forming: Learning how to build a habit makes it easier to build other ones. I'm relatively disciplined in my life, but there have always been areas where I've felt lacking and I want to get better (remember the title of this journal?). I want to be better.

I'm kind of a lazy perfectionist, which might sound like an odd combination, but when I work at something, I'm damn serious about doing it and doing it right. And then I get lazy, tired, demotivated, stressed, or uninspired, and just can't rev myself up. I want to learn how to change that, not just for writing, but for every activity that is important to me.

I believe writing can be the key.

It would also be kick-ass to write a best-seller some day.

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