I failed, so: Gratitude!

I totally failed to keep posting in this and I think the problem is I didn't have a focused idea of what to write about. I wrote a couple things about relationships and one about writing. And although those things are important to me, I'm not sure I have enough to say on a meta-level about them to write every day.

So, until I figure out what the hell to write about, I'm going to use this as a gratitude meditation journal.

It's going to be really boring, because you'll see a lot of the same things every day. Oh well, some day my pure will, unassuaged of purpose, delivered from the lust of result, will be, in every way perfect and allow me to write something riveting.

For now, gratitude:

• An awesome home within an awesome intentional community
• Being able to enjoy the fruits of many weekends of labor to redecorate with paint and wallpaper
• An amazing girlfriend who meets my needs so very amazingly well
• My family (the chosen kind): Adam, Imbri, G, Kelly, Molly, Joanna, Ping, Elaine, Mu, Paul, Kristy, Christa, Auros, and numerous others who make up my tribe.
• A job I really love for the first time in a very long time. Having a boss who makes me deal with my weaknesses.
• My health
• A fantastic writing group
• Writing that just keeps getting better
• An almost-published poetry book

Why Write?

I've mentioned my struggles with motivation for creative endeavors in other social networking media and been asked why I even bother to write at all if it's so challenging. I have a career I am happy with, a community of friends that keeps me busy, and a relationship that is satisfying. So why write, some friends asked.

I actually became kind of defensive at first and I've spent about a year or two developing more discipline as a writer, and I think I'm finally ready to answer the question.

I've been writing for as long as I can remember. I wrote stories and poems as a child, and kept writing poetry. I wrote a 120 page "novel" at age 12 which was pretty horrible. I've been an avid reader for as long and only in the last few years did I realize I wanted to learn how to write fiction. I used to do a ton of journaling on LiveJournal, writing about my thoughts on all kinds of things.

Although there are certainly better writers than me out there, I find writing to be the most comfortable way to express myself. I have a lot of ideas (many of them crazy - my favorite kinds!) that I want to share, and writing feels the most natural for articulating them. Some of my ideas lend themselves better to a fiction format, since they are complex and require a lot of context.

I love the idea of being able to weave intricate tales like the ones I read, and I've always been encouraged and been able to write some really good stuff in short form (like poetry, and sometimes short prose scenes).

In 2010, I took about 10 months off from having a day job and found myself brimming full of energy for a bunch of personal projects, one of which ended up being my first NaNoWriMo. I wrote a 50,000 word novel in 30 days! It wasn't good, but it had potential, and I've been taking pieces of it to my regular Writing Group since and trying to sculpt it into something awesome. I did NaNoWriMo again in 2011, but only got to 35,000 words and feel less confident about making this one palatable, but regardless, I relished the exercise and I've learned so much from both projects. I took a 6 week writing class in San Francisco which was really inspiring and helped me more formally understand the elements of narrative craft.

I am frustrated with my inability thus far to build a consistent habit of working on my writing projects, though it seems I end up filling the gaps with other forms of writing, such as journaling or blogging, because it's just the way I process what's in my head.

But why try to develop a habit for fiction writing if it doesn't just come perfectly naturally? Because I love fiction and I love the satisfaction of having created something that expresses my ideas eloquently and it's an opportunity for me to learn how to build discipline and better habits with a medium I enjoy.

It's a nice thing about any kind of habit-forming: Learning how to build a habit makes it easier to build other ones. I'm relatively disciplined in my life, but there have always been areas where I've felt lacking and I want to get better (remember the title of this journal?). I want to be better.

I'm kind of a lazy perfectionist, which might sound like an odd combination, but when I work at something, I'm damn serious about doing it and doing it right. And then I get lazy, tired, demotivated, stressed, or uninspired, and just can't rev myself up. I want to learn how to change that, not just for writing, but for every activity that is important to me.

I believe writing can be the key.

It would also be kick-ass to write a best-seller some day.

Extrovert Romance

My friend, let's call her Cora, has recently been expressing dissatisfaction with boyfriend, Jack. There are a few things bothering her:
1) Cora doesn't like that she initiates getting together most of the time
2) Cora has a need for more quality time and Jack wants to be productive
3) Jack is uncomfortable when Cora talks about her feelings, because he believes he needs to do something to make things better.
4) Cora tends to be the more verbally effusive and physically affectionate one and does not get the amount of verbal affirmation and physical touch that she desires to feel loved.


My first reaction to Cora's situation was to think, "Well, maybe she just needs to find someone whose communication style is more compatible with hers", but then after more reflection and relationship discussion with another friend, it occurred to me that I've been in her position before. I've seen this pattern and I found a solution that didn't require ending the relationship.

Cora is an extrovert. I am an extrovert, too. It occurred to me that items 1, 2, and 4 above might be relevant to extroversion (I'll get back to 3 later). As an extrovert, I have had to get used to the fact that I will do most of the social initiation in my life, because if I don't, I simply won't get the high quantity of social interaction I desire. Most people are *not* extroverts, thus we extroverts have to do a lot of the work. I've been through the stage of feeling frustrated and resentful that I was doing a lot of initiating, but usually that had to do more with specific people. That frustration is even more intense when it happens with a romantic partner, because there's even more at stake, it would seem.

Being able to relate to Cora, I realized that she probably had a need to feel consistently wanted and I remembered that to be able to do that with a partner who is more passive and more of an introvert, it can help to set up regular times to talk or meet so you have something predictable to look forward to.

In regards to Cora wanting more quality time, I suggested that she make a concrete request for some amount of time to do specific activities together (in her case, cuddle for a couple hours a day when they were together). Making specific requests is important, otherwise a partner can't really be sure what's desired and might feel overwhelmed with the possible interpretations of a vague request. I've certainly been on that end of things and it's stressful.

A lot of the times that a partner expresses her feelings, just being heard is the most important thing. I know I've made the mistake of thinking that I had to immediately find a way to fix things when someone is expressing their feelings. I suggested to Cora that she just be explicit about wanting to vent or talk with no expectations that Jack should do anything about what she has to say. That takes pressure off of him and helps clarify her expectations for the interaction.

Having been in a relationship with someone more passive and less effusive than myself, I understand how hard it can be to feel consistently loved, but I found a few tricks to help with that. The first thing I realized is that it just gets better over time. I would have doubts, we'd have a positive interaction that made me feel happy, and the more that happened, the less I worried when she didn't talk as much. I also realized that if I was uncertain, I could try to initiate an interaction with humor or affection and if I got a positive response, I found that I would feel better. Sometimes, I even went as far as to ask for reassurance.


I hope these suggestions can help Cora get what she needs, along with any other extroverts out there.

King of the World

I've heard reasonable arguments from intelligent people all over the political spectrum: Republicans who say that government is inefficient and lacks accountability with social programs; Democrats who say that we don't take care of the poor and under-resourced enough; Greens who say that we need to provide economic incentives to encourage environmental stewardship and fair labor practices; Libertarians who say that government would work better if it ran more like a business; and even Anarcho-Syndicalists who say that we'd be better off without a State, but instead with democratically self-managed workers.

The world is a complex place and everyone seems to think they know what the right solution is for all our problems. I don't buy that even the most intelligent people I know can really understand it enough to make a good judgement about How to Make Things Work.

If I was King of the World, I'd apply a few simple principles based on my own beliefs about how things work. I don't know what political system these would fall into, but here are my axioms:

1) Human beings are valuable assets that we must invest in. By providing some initial minimum of resources, we have the capability to enable creative, productive, happy citizens that will benefit society. Human beings are also fragile and if not provided the opportunity to succeed will end up being not only a drain on society economically, but also end up more likely to make other people suffer for their own lack of happiness and stability.

2) Parents hold the keys to the successful development of their children. There are of course other factors, but the more we, as a society, continue to deny this, the more we will emotionally cripple our children, preventing them from achieving their full potential

3) Intelligence is important, but without education, it's not enough. As King of the World, one of the biggest investments I would make is in providing free education for all. It wouldn't be mandatory, but one could always come back to it at any time in their life. This means I'd also have to work with educators to make school compelling enough for people to want to go through.

4) Effective management of shared resources and the encouragement of standards are crucial to enabling innovation and economic prosperity. Economic markets that have some amount of freedom have demonstrated their worth in the history of the United States, but left unchecked, corporations grow in power to the point where they can be just as despotic as a dictatorial government.

5) Decentralization of resources can help prevent concentration and therefore corruption of power. I want every neighborhood to have their own industrial 3D printer, their own community vegetable garden, and their own internet network nodes. I want people to be inspired to learn how to make and repair things so we don't support the sale of lower and lower quality goods by corporations who would rather make a buck than provide lasting durable products. I want people to learn how to manage their own health with something akin to the personalized medicine movement.

6) Play needs to become a higher priority than drudgery. Although there might be some benefits to hard physical labor, or hard labor of other kinds, play keeps us learning and excited about the world, rather than complacent and seeking addictive pastimes to distract us from the perceived meaninglessness of life. Perhaps Play would be the state religion - a religion in which we take the time to laugh and incite humor, to experiment and relax our discipline, to experience hedonism in it's varied forms without dulling our minds to the rich sensual world around us.

I'm sure there's more I could say, but those are the most important principles of the world I want to live in. In the meantime, I'll live the best I can by these virtues and share the happiness and success I gain from them with everyone I know and hope that can be a start.

Welcome

Welcome to my blog!

I'm Dave and I'm trying to find my voice. Ha, that sounds like I'm part of a Missing Voices Twelve Step program or something...well, maybe this blog will be my program.

I dabble in so many things that I often feel scattered and stretched and I'm hoping to write here to help me better understand where I want my voice to go and how I want to use it.

So, as a challenge to myself, I am going to write one post a day for a year - not as ambitious as the blogger from Julie & Julia, who made *recipes* and posted her experience of them, but a start.

My goal is to get a feel for what I am passionate about and learn to consistently post interesting thoughts on those subjects.

Oh, about the title:
Apotheosis:
1. The highest point in the development of something; culmination or climax.
2. The elevation of someone to divine status; deification.

I want to keep improving, in body and mind, and learn the limits of control over myself and my environment that I can have. That's pretty vague, but you can be sure I'll be posting about it in more detail.